


Redemption

by beingbaz



Category: Sanctuary (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-20
Updated: 2012-03-20
Packaged: 2017-11-02 06:38:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/366044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beingbaz/pseuds/beingbaz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nikola only has so much time left, so Helen needs to make up her mind.<br/>(Written during season two.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Redemption

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended, no money made. Written for fun.

Magnus sat on her rooftop, watching the city below her. She tried to keep her thoughts from straying to earlier in the night, when she'd argued, again, with Nikola.

"Helen, you're not listening. The man you loved, who, even I have to admit loved you in his own strange way, is gone. Well and truly, and you keep ignoring what's been before your eyes."

"And what's that, Nikola?" she said, not taking her eyes away from the book she'd been reading when he'd walked into her room and begun this one sided conversation.

"I've told you before that I love you."

"Mm."

"I keep trying to prove myself to you. From the days of The Five, when I injected you with the blood, I loved you. I fought my own nature for you. I don't know if I can anymore if you have nothing to give."

She looked up at him. "What do you mean?"

"I'm mortal. How much longer do you expect me to try?"

She set the book aside, looking at him. "Nikola, every time you tell me you love me, show me this farce of romance, it's always for your own gain. How can you expect me to believe you?"

"I can't stay here, Helen. I want to stay and prove this to you, but I no longer have the guarantee of tomorrow that you do. I'll say it this last time. I love you. I wish that was enough. I'll leave in the morning."

The wind blew a strand of her dark hair over her face, bringing Magnus back to the present. Even on this open rooftop, she felt claustrophobia coming over her. She couldn't bring herself to go back inside.

How much was she willing to lose? Her lover, her daughter. Her friends were dying, one by one, leaving her alone. How much longer until what was The Five became The One?

Helen saw the first streak of daylight break the horizon of her beloved city, and knew that morning was well and truly coming.

Maybe it was best for Nikola to leave. She couldn't give him what he wanted, didn't believe she could be what he needed.

A thought whispered through her mind: How much longer does he have left? Where would he go? Why did she feel like she needed him, now, more than ever?

Unable to decide, she watched as the light crept over the darkness, trying to make up her own mind.

A week later, Helen Magnus was once again on her rooftop, watching the moon make its way over the sky. Nikola had kept his word, and left that morning, a valise in one hand, and a letter in the other.

"If you decide you want to contact me, Helen," he said, seeming uncharacteristically nervous, "in this envelope is a telephone number. Leave me a message, and I'll know... I don't know what I'll know. I'll contact you, get in touch with you somehow." For a moment, he sighed, and she felt as though he had more to say than he would allow. "For a genius, I'm a man of few comprehensible words today. Goodbye, Helen. May your life be long and full."

She again contemplated what he'd said. "Long and full." So like him, a blessing that was her curse.

Magnus didn't plan to think of him this much. Each day had gone on much as they always had, and yet, somehow, she felt emptier. More than losing her lover, more than dealing with the loss of her daughter. Those she had accepted. But Nikola... he'd always been one irritating, annoying, condescending, superior presence. One she'd never thought to lose.

Each day the same, and his voice in the back of her mind. "Goodbye, Helen."

She left the roof, going inside, down to her office, to think and pace. She looked at her hands, so much younger than they should look, and tried to think of what she should do. She even considered checking her horoscope to try and make up her mind.

Did he really love her? Could she love him? Was this just another of his ploys to muddle her mind until he got whatever it was that he wanted?

"I love you." She'd heard these words from him before, and never really believed what he said. Was she changing her mind? Even John never plagued her like this when they courted. But John had been a surety. Nikola... he just seemed like heartache in the making.

She could see him in her mind, that cheeky, feral smile, those eyes that knew too much. What did she mean to him? What did he mean to her?

Laying her head down on her arms, she closed her eyes and fell asleep at her desk.

She slept no more than a few hours, waking and going about her morning ablutions before going through the Sanctuary. She'd always had high hopes for this organization. Dealing with Abnormals... being one herself, albeit not a born one, had always felt like her calling. Being with John, having Ashley, had always been like a dream added to what she'd always wanted.

She wondered what her father would think of her now, as she considered her life. Would he consider it well lived? Would he tell her to rest, or to seek more?

She felt so alone these days. Despite her friends, she was truly on her own, and wondered how much longer she could count on her current companions.

Perhaps that was the root of her problem: She knew she didn't age and couldn't die.

Tesla, for all his faults, knew her. He'd stepped aside when he'd seen that it was John who held her heart when The Five were first conceived. He'd never hidden his ardor for her, and had watched her with his beautiful, hungry eyes, never trying to take even a kiss while she and John were together. After they fell apart, however, Nikola had come to her and told her he wanted her, and kissed her, quick and rough. She'd expected subtlety, smoothness, and instead felt a rush of heat between them as he'd kissed her.

"Nikola, stop!" she'd cried, pushing hard at his chest.

She watched his chest heave as he tried to regain control. She looked at him, saying only, "I can't. I'm sorry."

He'd released her, saying nothing and stalking away, and she knew he was pained, but there was nothing she could do for him. Despite the heat, she hadn't had those feelings, and there was no use trying.

But now?

Magnus went to where she'd stashed the envelope Nikola had given her. She took it, and sat at her desk, the light of day washing in and giving her office a lovely glow. She wasn't sure she wanted to open it.

If he'd been here, they could have talked, or argued, he could have tried to back her into some corner and given her that smile of his that said he'd won and it was time for her to be grateful that she'd lost.

By leaving her this envelope, this letter of nothing but numbers, he'd left the matter entirely in her hands. She took up her letter opener, sliding it in and withdrawing the paper inside. She took a deep breath, unfolding the paper, and glancing briefly at the numbers inside.

"Courage, Magnus," she told herself.

She took up the phone and dialed. It seemed to ring on and on, but finally she reached a machine.

"Nikola," she said, at a loss for words. "It's Helen. I... Call me. Please."

Three days later and Helen Magnus was still waiting for the phone to ring. Nikola said he'd get in touch with her if she called, and he hadn't. It was time for her to realize that the only person she could rely on, that she could trust, was herself. It was time to stop waiting.

She hadn't been neglecting her Sanctuary while waiting. Yes, Will had asked her a few times if she was okay, but she'd merely told him she had something on her mind and apologized if she seemed distracted. His face said he wanted to investigate, that clever mind wanting to pick apart what was wrong with her, but she'd quickly changed the subject and tried to keep her mind on the task at hand.

She'd trusted him.

That was the worst of it, she felt. She'd trusted that he'd call her back, that he'd be there. The world seemed wrong, seemed backwards.

She'd leaped and he hadn't caught her. What was next?

-

She was back on her rooftop, dawn once again getting ready to overtake her city, another day ready to get started. The Sanctuary would, no doubt, provide her with a new and exciting adventure. Somehow, this didn't seem like enough, but she planned on pushing forward and continuing on.

"Helen."

She turned slowly, unbelieving. Yet there he was, a mad genius and former vampire, the man who claimed to love her, who showed her his dark side with each wicked smile and his love with each look. His eyes now held a cautious hope she'd never noticed before.

She felt as though she stood on a precipice, trying to decide whether to jump. Which was silly, really. It was Nikola.

"Hello, Nikola."

"I got your message. I'm sorry it took me so long to reply."

"That's not important."

"Was there... something you wanted to say," he asked, a hint of pain returning to his eyes.

Had his eyes always looked haunted when he looked at her? Had she only ever noticed the hunger?

"I think I could love you Nikola. Some part of me already does."


End file.
